Costco.
I hate this place. There are a few places I truly dislike shopping at. One is Wal-Mart. Another is WinCo. Of course, the one of the focus of this rant: Costco.
First, why do I dislike Wal-Mart? It appears that those who are mentally retarded staff the ones local to me. While working with people on a special education work training program can often be satisfying, it does nothing other than waste my time. The main reason is more political. Wal-Mart wanted to open a Super Wal-Mart. The Super Wal-Mart is the one where they sell groceries in addition to the standard Wal-Mart selections. These are basically massive Wal-Marts. Wal-Mart was pulling politics and getting their stuff approved despite enormous amounts of community protests. Finally, it got to the point where the negative publicity was starting to give the retail giant a black-eye they could no longer deny, so they pulled out of that project. They did find new space in a really bad area currently occupied by a dying mall. Since this mall is being shut down and torn down so a new mall can be built, it appears the existing Sears and this super Wal-Mart will be the anchor stores. The stupid part is that there is a regular Wal-Mart about a mile down the road.
Winco is another store on my list of places I do not like. Why? My main issue is that the place is over-crowded unless you shop at 2AM. WinCo is a 24-hour grocery store chain, so you can see some of the amusing dregs that come in the wee hours of the night after not finding their stuff at Wal-Mart. However, the main reason is simply that it typically takes too long to check out. If the stores were not always so crowded, this would not be an issue. I will cut WinCo a break, they do offer a lot of the same stuff you can get at the other larger grocery stores for usually a lot less money.
Now onto Costco. How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
1. The gas pumps. I choose this one first since it is one of the obvious ones you can see from the outside. There are so many problems in this area I could even start a new list. The problem starts with the lines. There are typically long lines at Costco for fuel. The reason there are long lines is because of the on average lower fuel prices that Costco offers to Costco members only. In order to pump fuel, you need to be a Costco member. To re-state, to get cheaper gas prices, one must pay a premium to get fuel at reduced prices. The next reason is the people themselves. This may not be obvious until it is experienced. Of course, without the people, there would be no lines. When you get stuck in line there and you have to interact with the people even passively by waiting, you will see all of this behavior in one form or another. Many people are slow to start pumping gas. They need to get out of their vehicle, do the card swipes, punch in their ATM PIN and start pumping. I have nothing against the people tossing their trash into the garbage bins if they are in the process of fueling their vehicles, it is the ones who have to remove their trash before or after they fill up their vehicle that I have a problem with. Another issue is simply parking. I am not talking about the typical parking in the parking lot portion of the property, I literally mean people parking at the pump. Here is my story on that: One time, I went to get gas, I filled up and the car in front of me at the pump in front of me had no driver in it. It had a rather distinctive license plate and color, so it did not exactly blend right it. I leave the pumps after filling my vehicle, I left to park in the parking lot and then I do my shopping. I take my groceries to my car and load them into my car and drop off my shopping cart. I then pull around the building, and what do I see? I see this ancient lady at the pump with her shopping cart, loading up her distinctive vehicle. No lie! Then there are the people who want to talk at the pump, either to their fellow gas pumping buddies or on the cell phone, doing anything and everything except pumping gas. The same holds true for those who hang around after pumping fuel. I also dislike those with mobile homes who pump at Costco, mainly since it is nearly impossible for them to only block the pump they are using, and the fact that it takes those people a long time to fill up. Those with boats and trailers I typically feel the same way about. I will say this, it’s not like they have a choice, and most tend to be as considerate as they can. Another issue is payment methods. Costco clearly states on the pumps what is required to pump(membership card or Costco prepaid card) and accepted non-cash payment methods. It appears these simple acts are far too complex for most of the population to grasp. It also appears that just operating the pump to fuel a vehicle is too complicated for many people to handle as well. Oddly enough, it appears that most of the ones who have trouble getting past the “how do I pay” stage also seem to fail in the actual refueling operation as well. Reading and pumping gas does not seem to go hang-in-hand with Costco fuel customers. Despite the many signs on the pumps that clearly state “DO NOT TOP-OFF”, there are people who absolutely insist on topping of, and will do so for hours at a time if allowed to. I can understand giving one last pump. In my example, after the nozzle’s trigger pops to stop the flow of fuel, I wait a few seconds for the bubbles to go down, and then give one more pull that typically gives me two-tenths more of a gallon, and then I stop. I see a lot of people do this, but those are not the ones I am complaining about. I am referring to the ones that are constantly trying to see if they can get those few more drops into the tank no matter what: thunk, thunk, thunk…On top of that, there seems to be a rather large amount of mechanical malfunctions at Costco. I get so tired of the card readers not being reliable, mainly since that is a major waste of time. I am more forgiving yet annoyed by the pump being labeled as “out of service” because you can spot it and deal with it through avoidance. That card reader issue nails you right where you’re ready to pump.
My solution for the gas pump situation is as follows: Memberships need to be provisional and conditional. When one applies for a membership, it needs to be more than a paperwork formality prior to a financial transaction. There needs to be a written test, followed by a practical test in regards to being allowed to use the gas pumps. If they fail, then their plastic magnetic membership card contains a code that will prevent them from using the fuel pumps. The computerized pumps can track abusive top-offers and automatically flag a member as abusive. Also, if a member receives too many complaints from other members at the pumps, that bit of data is also set. I’m sorry, but if people lack the common courtesy, common sense and basic intelligence, then please do not waste my time at the pumps. Instead, they should go inside and apply for a job as a cashier.
2: Parking is simply horrible at every Costco I’ve been to. The issue is not the design of the parking lots, the problem is once again the people. One problem that can be readily observed is the interaction of the pedestrians with drivers. This is because Costco tends to be crowded. And what is Costco crowded with? Why, Costco is crowded with individuals and families who have paid a premium in order to have the privilege to shop at Costco. I do understand that it can sometimes be hard to see people trying to cross the parking aisles, but that is why there are the crosswalks. There is nothing to prevent pedestrians from being stupid and running out into traffic and causing dangerous situations for both pedestrians and drivers. At the same time drivers seem to need a reminder that pedestrians have the right of way in the United States. Once again, there is the basic reading issue that also includes standardized road markings. Signs that say “Do Not Park” are apparently just decorations or suggestions because I see people park their vehicles there all the time. Zones of the road marked as no parking areas are also used for routine parking. Here is one: if a fire engine is parked in a red zone, which is technically marked for the usage of emergency vehicles, and the firetruck is being loaded with groceries, does that technically constitute a violation? I’ve seen this 4 times now, and I am fairly sure that is not an appropriate use of a red zone.
3: Shopping carts are another thing about Costco that annoys me. A global “any store” issue that I have with shopping carts is the wobbly wheel, and Costco is definitely not immune to that. Costco does like to take things a step further. I suppose this makes Costco an innovator in shopping card annoyance technology, excluding the cart “boot” that locks up the card when it gets too far from its home. One wobbly wheel? How about 2 wheels. Not good enough? Will 3 really get you annoyed? No? Come one now, all 4 wheels wobbling has to get you angry. Still not annoying enough? How about randomly jamming wheels too? Oh yeah!! I am not totally cold-hearted, I see what these carts go through and I can attest to the abuse that these carts see throughout their lifetime of punishment from the Costco membership population. I must also mention that these carts are oversized, and in the case of those with the “child seat” shelf, you can put two kids in that area of the cart instead of the typical one. Because safety is a big issue, both of the child seats have a basic safety strap with a click-latch, or at least they are supposed to, since most of them are broken or missing anyways. Isn’t it so nice that Costco is so concerned about the safety of your children because they hope they will grow up and someday become a paid Costco member on their own instead of leeching off their parents’ membership for 18+ years. And with this concern, isn’t it also nice that over 75%of these latches are broken, torn off or no longer there? The plastic handle covers seem to be broken a good amount of the time as well. Lastly, in regards to carts, there are simply not enough places that are convenient to park the carts. This means a large majority of carts end up in inconvenient locations. In some cases, the people are so rude, they just leave them crashed into or blocking other cars. Don’t let me forget about the advanced technology Costco gives their employees who have been given cart retrieval duty. At Target, Winco and Wal-Mart among other places, they have motorized pushers to help with moving many carts easier. What about Costco? This is their state of the art: a knotted rope with a wooden handle. I hope their employees have good medical.
Tied to parking and shopping carts are people leaving shopping carts in parking spots. Nothing better than cruising the parking lot and finding a good place to park and as you pull halfway in, there is a shopping cart rendering the place unusable for the time being.
4: The people. Not all of the people, but seems to be a majority of the people that shop there seem to be in the general category of “people that piss me off”. There are so many annoying types that it is difficult to decide where to start. In no particular order of ranking in my meter of annoyance, I begin with the slow folks. These are the ones who move at the rocket-like speed of a garden slug. These people often seem to be able to block the progress of the people who wish to move around them or at least move faster than them. Another group is truly a group, which I call “aisle clots”, which refers to a bunch of shoppers who gang up and prevent traffic from moving through the isles by creating a complete and total blockage with their assortment of poorly placed and largely abandoned carts. A good number of the aisle clots are also the slow folks. I guess they move so slow that they are unable to break the magnetic fields from the carts close to them. Another category is rather self-explanatory, and that is the “fat ass” group of people. You’ve heard the advertising slogan “an army of one”? Well, these people look like they ate the army. These people tend to be so large that their butt is wider than the oversized shopping carts. You can also guarantee their carts are filled to the brim with food., no doubt a mid-day snack. OK, you’ve had enough, learn some control. Now! There are few things worse than a bunch of slow moving fat-ass people making an aisle clot, but it is too scary to talk about here and keep the ratings and contents safe for children. Let’s not forget the people who either are idiots or turn into idiots at the register, making last minute changes, additions or pay in coins. It just seems like their only goal in life is to be annoying. In keeping with that goal, perhaps they should turn in an application for employment on the way out the door.
5: The store itself is the center of all these problems. It seems that the store itself is a regional magnet that attracts stupidity and annoyance, or at least amplifies these attributes. As soon as one walks in, an employee checks to make sure you’re allowed to shop there. It’s almost as if they are the dreaded Black Knight from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”. Flash your membership card and you can pass this doorway sentry. However, I’m sure significantly less than an actual flesh wound would stop the guard from completing their task. Then there are the exit sentries, who check your cart and your receipt to make sure you aren’t trying to steal the store into bankruptcy. I do agree with this checking, as it does in fact keep prices down by an amount that exceeds what they pay those people who check your cart and receipt. And while I’m on the topic of employees, let me talk about the cashiers. I do acknowledge that most of them are hard working, or at least trying to do their best. Some of the cashiers aren’t in this category. It seems some of them can barely complete a checkout process. It also appears that every time it is my turn to get my load of goods checked out, they have to do a drawer check and/or cashier change, which also requires a drawer check. It is flat out stupid to count that much cash out on the floor in front of customers and is a robbery waiting to happen. I suppose a training position that leads to cashier is the new position of cart scanner. These people scan the items in your cart and speeds your checkout process. Not all customers qualify for this, such as those doing purchases for items to be resold. For people such as myself making a grocery purchase, why is there a 10-item limit? Come on, those little hand-held scanning devices can certainly store a ton more data before requiring transmission. When I worked at Computer City, we’d scan a few hundred items using the same type of scanners before doing a transmission to the computer. I suppose that is better than the people who walk around annoying you about American Express card applications. At least the people trying to scan your cart are at least trying to be doing something useful.
The store itself is not immune to stupidity. It seems they constantly move stuff around. I am positive that this is done to confuse customers and try to get them to buy more. That is why they have those people giving away food samples, so you can keep your strength up to find your misplaced items and possibly buy something else. Things frequently vanish or become unavailable for no reason. For example, my wife likes Golden Grahams cereal. My daughter likes this certain brand of rice pudding. There is this brand of dog food that my dogs like and doesn’t make them get fat. All of these items are no longer carried. I inquired why they stopped carrying these things. I was told these were season items. OK, seasonal items are typically certain types of produce that is mainly available only during certain times of the year. Since when did Golden Grahams become a seasonal item? I can go to Safeway any day of the year and get Golden Grahams. Strawberries: seasonal. Eukanuba Weight Control dog food: not seasonal. This brings me to my theory of the Costco spies. This may actually be realized through micro transmitter or eavesdropping technology actually embedded in the Costco card. It may also be the job of Costco employees to listen to what customers are talking about, and then remove it from the stores. I talk a lot about milk and eggs to see if those suddenly are affected. I’ve been doing this now for three years, and it appears there doesn’t seem to be the same quantities of milk and eggs as before, so it might be true.
The store itself has other issues of stupidity. Please keep in mind that to shop at Costco, one has to purchase a membership. There are two levels of membership: regular and executive. Executive allows you to do business-type purchases of items for resale. Both memberships give you the same general rudeness and inconvenience that you must endure in a Costco location. In exchange for the privileges of membership, you get the following from Costco: Ability to buy in bulk and some better pricing on certain items in comparison to other local retailers. Don’t forget that you also have to search for things since Costco moves stuff around all the time. You also get to experience Costco taking off pretty much every single holiday and operating hours that aren’t convenient all the time. On the topic of inconvenient business hours, you don’t want to be in Costco when closing time hits. When it is closing time, rudeness becomes the new official mode of operations for Costco employees. At closing time, the employees go from useless and rude, to even more useless and even more rudeness. When closing time comes, Costco starts shutting off lights and shouting at you that it is closing time. Well, I hate to be rude right back, but I bust my ass for over 80 hours a week and I don’t get any days off. At the same point, my time is very scarce and limited. I’ve already worked at least twice what a Costco employee is going to work in a week, and when it is time for me to do my shopping, I need the time to do my shopping. So, if Costco is going to cop a crappy attitude, just keep this in mind Costco: I am PAYING to shop here, so you better treat me with some respect and courtesy. It’s bad enough I have to deal with your idiot employees, bad attitudes, incompetence and constantly moving and hiding stuff and all the other inconvenience you throw at me and all the other Costco members, but keep in mind that since all Costco members are PAYING to be able to shop there, I seriously recommend that Costco change their crappy attitude real fast or else they’ll be out of business soon. I do not appreciate giving a company an amount of money in exchange for the privilege of being treated like dirt. Seems Costco could use a liberal application of the Clue-Bat to re-educate them as to what customer service is supposed to be. Hint: Poor service, rude employees, inconvenienced at every turn and broken carts are NOT good customer service. Are you hearing me? I’ve been to about 20 Costco locations, and they ALL behave the same way and have the same issues and problems and symptoms. While Costco has hundreds of locations, I feel my sampling and experience is sufficient to make a broad statement as to how Costco instructs their employees to behave. Costco might have a better result if they said, “You pay your money, you take your chances.” At least then you know what you’re getting into.