Stupid People in the Workforce

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To: Chris Pickett <REMOVED>
From: Chris Pickett <REMOVED> (by way of James Schek <REMOVED>) 
(by way of James Schek <REMOVED>)
Subject: Re: Network
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>Well, the school just got $400k technology money (one time use) so the new
>YearBook advisor is putting in a proposal.. He's trying to do it right - 
>getting good equipment, well equipped file servers, workgroup printer, etc.. 
>But the damn district tech wants us to do it his way - stupidly. Why can't
>stupid people just drop off the planet and die?

The world used to run by "only the strongest survive", and this was 
largely believed by those that didn't get eaten. This is how things were 
and everything liked it, especially those that didn't get eaten. Since 
man had not yet discovered fire, he had invented toilet paper. Shortly 
afterwards, those in the leaf-buttwipe industry sued those in the toilet 
paper industry, and lawyers were created. Some time later, language was 
invented, and then immediately afterwards, the word "asshole" was created 
and agreed upon. A full 5000 years later, after much bastardization of 
the original gruntings, the word "asshole" was changed to mean 
"attorney", and the definition of "asshole" became slang for a rather 
important sphincter muscle as well as slang for "attorney" and anyone 
else you may happen to be angry with.

Still, necessity is the mother of invention, and lack of birth control 
leads to the birth of those who require new necessities. The first form 
of birth control was invented, and later perfected by the Heaven's Gate 
cult, proving that nutless geeks should just go and off themselves.

Times were primitive. Now that toilet paper was king, people had a whole 
lot more time on their hands as opposed to their own feces. Even better, 
now that everyone was using toilet paper, embarrassing rashes due to 
accidentally grabbing 3-leaved plants and their subsequent usage and time 
spend itching, man invented "idle time". Man needed something to do with 
this idle time. With this time, he invented weapons such as the "sharp 
pointy stick thingie", which in latin translates to "spear". 
Unfortunately, man had yet to invent war, so he stomped out of his cave and
shit on his neighbor. The neighbor retaliated by stabbing his defecator 
with a spear, thus killing him. Then the defecator's friend, who saw the 
whole thing, stabbed the person with shit all over him. Thus war was 
invented.

These were times of unrest. Pretty soon everyone was stabbing everyone 
else, mainly because let's face it, toilet paper was scarce and it became 
a highly sought commodity. Man started to notice that it took some time 
to build a spear. Looking to cut costs and invent a simpler and less 
expensive weapon, man began experimenting with different materials. Since 
language had been evolving for several years at this point, man was able 
to form complete sentences. A wonderful side-effect of this ability to 
communicate was the invention of the insult. So, two warring factions had 
their leaders meet. One said "Your mother wears combat boots", which 
confused the other leader since combat boots hadn't been invented yet, so 
he stabbed his opponent and killed him. Everyone watching decided that 
perhaps insults were not quite ready for conventional warfare at this 
time, so they began to fling feces at each other because they had all run 
out of toilet paper.

The war was brutal, thousands perished due to accidentally ingesting 
feces, while still others died from spear wounds. Out of frustration, one 
desperate man picked up a turd and flung it at his assailant. Unbeknownst 
to the attacker and the attackee, but object that appeared to be a turd 
was not a turd, but rather a rock. Well, it could have been a petrified 
turd, but either way, it rigid and solid. The attacker was HIT by this 
rock, and then the word "ow" was invented. Several people saw this and 
were shocked by what had just occurred. Even more shocking is what 
happened immediately afterwards when the rock flinger invented a new word 
and insult by calling the other person a shit-head, mainly because he was 
still under the impression he had flung a turd at his attacker. Victory 
was short as the insulter was killed with the attacker's spear.

The witnesses of this interaction were shocked and amazed at the 
ingenuity of the killed person, who in a desperate struggle to survive 
had improvised and grabbed a random object and flung it at his attacker, 
despite the negative outcome.

This was the start of what is called "The Cold War", mainly because an 
ice age rolled in, much to the suprise of everyone.

War ensued. People perfected their weapons and sides were taken. One 
group prefered rocks due to their ready abundance and ease of use, while 
the other group prefer spears because they had a lot of them and didn't 
see any point in switching to rocks.

One day, the rock throwers had pinned down the spear chuckers at the base 
of a cliff. The land was full of dried grass and brush because all of the 
landscapers had been killed some time ago in a freak lawn mower accident, 
but that is another story. Both sides had heavy casualties, but the rock 
throwers prevailed quite by accident. One of the rock throwers had 
noticed that sometimes when a rock would miss the spear chuckers and hit 
the rocky base of the cliff, it would cause a spark. It was because of this 
observation that led to victory because a rock hit near the base of the 
cliff, created a spark and caught the dry grass on fire. All at once, man 
discovered fire, invented cooking and the barbecue, and created 
cannibalism because the surviving people were hungry.

Armed with this basic knowledge about how they beat their opponents, man 
learned to beat the rocks together to create fire. This was good, as man 
now had all these new inventions to keep himself occupied for a while, 
and war slowed down to the occasional skirmish and insult. Because of the 
hunter/gatherer nature of man, eating around the fire became common 
place, especially with all this cooking going on. Since there was little 
war, man now had idle time again. This time man's destructive nature was 
suppressed by man's creative side. As we stated previously, man could 
make fire by banging rocks together. Man also noticed if he banged 
different rocks together, they made different sounds, and sometimes 
sparked. Rock music was invented, as well as pyrotechnics, although it is 
was not quite as spectacular or sophisticated as it is today, especially 
since the invention of audio equipment was still a few thousand years 
away. One of man's first games was "pull my finger", which was a stupid 
game, usually involving one man pulling on another man's finger until the 
finger snapped off. One creative individual decided to put a variation to 
this game, and challenged a fellow tribesman to a game of "pull my 
finger". As soon as the man began to pull his finger, he farted, thus 
inventing the well known game of the modern era. This suprised the puller 
so much that he let go. Observers noticed this was much more amusing and 
less painful than their previous version of the game.

So, man sat around the fire, eating and playing "pull my finger". One 
fateful day, one man was standing too close to the fire when issuing the 
challenge, and when his finger was pulled, a flame shot out of his ass 
and was killed instantly. It was unclear why this happened, but a few 
days later, some sickly caveperson staggered outside his cave, and said, 
"Hey, I'll bet farts will catch fire".
Eager to prove this theory, he walked to the fire, and let a few fly, 
with various results and a scorched ass. Amazed at the intelligence of 
this individual, they quickly elected him their leader, despite the fact 
that he walked funny now.

Throughout the years, man had been living as the animals, following the 
survival of the fittest. The weak and the sickly were left to die. Now, 
it was realized that some of these people might be worth keeping around 
as there might be a chance that they may have something useful to 
contribute. Man abandoned this old way of thinking and thus the weak were 
given more attention to help ensure their survival.

A new age was brought in, with the weak leading the mighty warriors. 
Politics was invented. Things were good, toilet paper was abundant, but 
man was tired of living in caves. Man began building houses, and at this 
point we get to the answer to your question.

Because not everyone was smart enough to build a house, and the smartest 
people were the leaders, this left the "not really weak, not not really 
strong" people to build houses. All the strong guys were out fighting 
wars, lighting farts and killing rabbits with rocks. This new class of 
"builders" would build houses. The smarter ones would build a house, make 
it strong and do things right the first time so they could then move on 
and build a house for another person or family.

Unfortunately, your technician is descended from a different group of 
builders. They would build houses quickly, knowing there will be problems. 
They also know that because there would be problems, they would have to 
be employed to fix these problems, thus ensuring them a steady income of 
meat and vegetables without having to do any real work. Because these 
people appeared to be busy all the time, everyone thought that these 
people were better than the other guys who appeared to have idle time, 
not realizing that those people were busy all the time because they were 
busy fixing their screw ups. Thus, "job security" was invented. So, as 
you can clearly see, the district technician comes from a long line of 
screw-ups. It's not his fault, it's in his genes, or to be more specific, 
it was in his parent's jeans. Unfortunately, even the stupid have a place 
in society, and thus these people are allowed to live.

It's a fair system, but society is to blame.